I’ve been thinking about what I want to say about what has been happening around my casa the last few days. And I have wanted to post something to keep my vast readership apprised of the state of our union…or disunion, that is…of Emma’s bones.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that Emma broke her left leg a month ago and you’ve read about our cast adventures and our shoplifting adventures.
Last Friday, when we went in to visit our orthopedist for another set of x-rays and a new cast, we got a bit of a surprise. That is a gross understatement. We got a huge shock. Emma’s bones had not only shifted and angulated and shortened somehow, but they had also not healed. At all. Now, I learned a long time ago that, in general, asking “why?” in these kinds of situations gets you nowhere, so I did not immediately go to “now, why and how did that happen?”. I did immediately go to “crap, crap, crap” and “this really, really, sucks” and “this is not what was supposed to be on the x-rays”, though. The doc and I were looking at the x-rays in another room away from Emma, so when I started feeling my heart race and a little light-headed, I told the doc I needed to sit down and then I lost my mind. I was truly blown away by the news. Had myself a little breakdown right there in front of the doc and told him I needed a minute to collect myself. All the while, feeling terrible because we had left Emma alone in the cast room.
Let me also say here, that last Friday, the same day of Emma’s appointment, was also the day that her best friend moved to Texas. She was already feeling sad about that and was teary on the way to the doctor. Once I collected myself, we went back to the cast room to share with Emma what was about to happen. We’ve called it a poopy double whammy. Needless to say, she was a sad, sad, girl. Which made me a sad, sad mama. Oh, how it hurts to see your babies hurting.
God is funny. Y’all ever heard the saying, tell God your plans and then listen to Him laugh? Well, I thought I had been asking God to show us some beautiful straight bones on those x-rays. And truly believing that was what we would see. Perhaps I had been telling Him to get in line with my plans. And it looks like all the while, God had other plans. And because I trust God, I trust that His plans are always better.
So, tomorrow, Thursday, my baby girl is having surgery to repair her bones. And so we press on. Because this is what is.
Then we look for the good news.
The good news is that once the bones are plated and screwed, they will be fixed. And once they are fixed, Emma will not need a long leg cast anymore. They will fit her with some sort of short leg splint. A short leg splint will greatly improve her mobility, which is a big plus. It took us a bit, but we have come to a place of acceptance that this is the best fix for Emma’s leg. She is naturally anxious, but doing okay. And I am learning (re-learning over and over) that I am a control freak and that I, in my own strength and power, have no control at all in this situation. My kids are not mine after all.
It will be hard for her to start over with the pain and with the healing time. But, we won’t be worried about bones healing badly. It is going to be okay. God is good, always. Even when the unexpected happens.