Tag Archives: Humor

Ten Things of Thankful, with a Spanish flair. Kinda. You’re welcome.

It’s Saturday! And I am thrilled to say that I’m actually going to get my Ten Things of Thankful post up on SATURDAY this weekend! HA! Woooo!

It is almost 10 am here and all is still silent, except for our little Lubie bird chirping and pecking away happily at his bell in his cage. Emma is off at her “other family’s” house, Jacob is snoozing it up and Clyn had to go in to work for a bit this morning. So, here I sit. In my jammies, sipping on my English Breakfast tea, which is now slightly cold because it is chilly here, y’all! Woke up to temps in the upper 30s, which is cold for the end of October in South Carolina! I am currently refusing to turn on the heat, because I am sure that next week, we will be back in the 80s or something like that. When I turn on the heat, that means it is winter and I’m not ready to let go of fall just yet.

On that note, I will go nuke my tea….

…and we’re back! That is much better!

I almost got completely sidetracked (shocker!) by a tempting email from Snapfish telling me I can order my Christmas cards NOW and get 50% off my order. I’m not going to lie, I went and looked and clicked around and almost got stuck there! Oh my, the ADD is kicking up for real today!

On to the business at hand!

This week…has been long. Not in a bad way, but somehow yesterday morning when I was driving to the gym, it occurred to me that Monday seemed like a long time ago. Partly, I think, it is due to the fact that my poor, sweet hubby has been working extremely long hours this week. A project of his this week has required him to be at work really early, 5 am early, and to stay really late. One night, I am pretty sure he got home around 11:30. And he is back there today, Saturday. He is my thankful thing numero uno. He works so hard and is so conscientious about his work. I hope those people know how blessed they are to have such an employee as my man! But if they don’t, I do. And I know that everything he does is for the kids and me.  And, no, he does not get paid overtime, as he is a salaried employee.

Thankful thing numero dos and tres. (Do y’all like my Español, by the way?? HA!) I am thankful for my hilarious daughter (thing dos…literally and figuratively). I’m telling you, she makes me laugh so hard sometimes that I snort and tears come out of my eyes. She is medicine to me. She is also an excellent student, who, along with tons of her peers, was honored for her academic achievements in a ceremony this week at school. She is so nonchalant about it all, which is funny to me. Girl! You got all As in  every subject last year, for the whole school year! It is okay to be happy and proud of that! But no. It is just what she does. Nothing special. Whatevs. Again, hilarious. But we are proud…Look at her and Harper, aren’t they lovely? Yes, they are. And did you even know you could “letter” in academics?? I didn’t. I only thought you lettered in athletics. Shows how much I know. After the ceremony, we enjoyed a fun dinner with Harper and her family (thing tres)—they are a fun and crazy family.

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Thankful thing numero quatro and cinco go together. (Okay, I’m just going with it now. I started a pattern and I can’t simply abandon that pattern. That would just be wrong!) So, I made a new friend this week (thing quatro), which I always love doing! She is a sweet, wonderful lady in my town, who emailed me this week, out of the blue. (Seemingly, but I do not believe in coincidence.) She was emailing me to invite me to participate in a day-long Christian women’s conference that is being held at her church in January (thing cinco). I was pretty freaked out. I’ve never stood up in front of a group of people to talk about anything. I’m not counting my students because that it not stuff I have to come up with out of my own head! And I’m not counting that speech class I had to take in college, because they actually give you a topic to talk about! This would be leading a small breakout session in a topic of my choosing as it relates to encouraging women. Really? It blows my mind that, first of all, any more than 5 people actually read my ramblings on a daily basis and, second of all, that I would have anything of value to share with a group of women. It is very humbling, but also a very exciting opportunity that I have agreed to take on. Sometimes we have to go do that thing which we are so afraid to do; otherwise, how do we stretch and grow? The people I love have all told me they believe in me and to go for it. And so, here I go. Pray for me, y’all!

Thankful thing numero seis. This weather does make me happy. It makes me think of James Taylor’s song, Walking Man (see video below…I do LOVE ME some JT—not to be confused with Justin Timberlake. Sorry, Justin, James Taylor is the original JT. Just saying. The man’s voice is like butter!). “…The leaves have come to turning and the goose has gone to fly….The frost is on the pumpkin and the hay is in the barn…” These are the lyrics that come to mind when I see that early frost. I love getting the sweaters out to wear and walking out the door to that clean, crisp smell in the air. It also makes me think of the county fair and that makes me think of funnel cakes. Mmmm, I can smell them now! Our local fair starts next week! Funnel cake, here I come!

Thankful thing numero siete. Jacob’s school had fall break this past week. So, it meant we were not traipsing back and forth. Our evenings were our own and he actually got ahead on his assignments. We crank back up in full force on Monday, though. But before we know it, the holidays will be upon us and he will have completed his first semester of college! My mind is blown.

Thankful thing numero ocho. I managed to do some laundry this week. Not nearly enough, but, hey, at least my man had some clean underwear.

Thankful thing numero nueve. I am so excited and, frankly, shocked, that I already have some Christmas gifts checked off my list! This is so crazy. I NEVER shop for Christmas before December. Never. In fact, I usually make it a rule, because I find it so irritating that Thanksgiving is pretty much ignored. Anyway, I ordered something for my mom that should be arriving at my door today! Can’t wait to see how it turned out. I can’t tell you what it is! She might be reading! Winking smile But she is going to love it! (Read that in a sing-songy voice, okay?) I have already gotten gifts for both my brothers and their wives as well! As siblings, we do “couple gifts”, so I have something for them that I think is a big score! I love it when I actually get a good gift idea, that is personal, that I am sure the recipient will love! I usually struggle in the couple gift department, because the gift I end up getting is usually always more geared toward one half of the couple. And then it doesn’t really feel like a couple gift at all.

Thankful thing numero diez. Humor. Y’all know how much I need the funny in my life. Please enjoy this:

This made me laugh. so. hard. And I do not lie when I say my face was hurting and I was crying with laughter. Poor Amy. I really hope Ellen pays her well. Pretty sure she is scared of her own shadow and that Andy, well, he is one angry scared person, right? The year Amy went through the haunted house with her mother was pretty hilarious as well. So so funny.

Have a wonderful weekend—stay thankful and stay funny!

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On the weekend, I link up with the Ten Things of Thankful Blog Hop to celebrate all the things I am feeling especially thankful for this week. You can join in the gratitude at Lizzi’s blog—Considerings.

Ten Things of Thankful

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Filed under Gratitude, Humor, Kids, Music

The myth of multi-tasking.

“Hutchison’s Law: Any occurrence requiring undivided attention will be accompanied by a compelling distraction.” ~Robert Bloch

ADD or BMSRecently I have begun hanging out at the Starbucks near the community college with my Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte while Jacob is in class. It really doesn’t make sense to drive nearly 30 minutes to the school and nearly 30 minutes back home, then do it all over again in a couple of hours. Can we say, gas prices?? Cha-ching!

So I pack up my bag of tricks, drop Jacob off at school and head over to do some “work” at Starbucks.

Oh, honey, I bring my books for my co-op classes. I have my laptop. My calendar. My book club book (currently The Picture of Dorian Gray…on Chapter 3 presently.). My other book club book (The Fire of Delayed Answers by Bob Sorge, which is excellent stuff, indeed. Highly recommend. PLUG: I have been participating in an online discussion each Wednesday. Come back tomorrow for my response to this week’s chapter.)

Think, Mary Poppins’ bottomless bag. Who knows what else is might be in there? 

I come each time with very high hopes of great accomplishments—intentions to get everything all read and planned for my Thursday co-op classes, get a blog post written, respond to emails, and read a few chapters in both book club books. No big deal, right?

But alas, I never fail to be sidetracked by the many distractions around me.

This is a shocker, I know. <insert mocking laughter here>

I think my failure to accomplish all my plans might be due to an affliction akin to having eyes bigger than your stomach. You know, the best laid plans and all that.

Inevitably, I end up playing Words With Friends or blog hopping or making a friend or inadvertently overhearing the conversation of the folks next to me or Facebooking or, or, or…Or better yet, trying to do all the aforementioned things all at one time. And then there are the times my mind just starts to wander. (Did I leave the stove on? Did I pay the cable bill? Did I sign that thing for Emma for school? Aw, dang, I forgot to run the dishwasher. Did I close the garage door?)

Sad, but true.

Hello??? Distracted much?

I have come to the conclusion that the whole multi-tasking thing is a big lie. It is simply doing many things with little success. Here is the predicament in which I find myself—starting one thing before finishing another and then forgetting ever starting the first thing.

For years, I have somewhat jokingly called myself ADD. Nothing official, of course, but clearly the signs are there. You could probably, more accurately call my problem BMS—Busy Mother Syndrome. My life is full of distractions, yet I just keep pressing on, doing the next thing. Putting out fires as I go. And hoping all the important stuff is done.

However, occasionally, I will manage to focus long enough to actually finish something during my Starbucks visit before I have to return to collect Jacob—like today!

SCORE!

But, hey, even a blind squirrel gets a nut every once in a while, right?

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This is my offering for Two Shoes Tuesday. Each week, Josie gives two word prompts to choose from and you must include one or both of them  in an original essay, poem or story. You can use them as a theme or the words themselves. This week’s words were distraction and tears.

Want to link up? Click below:

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Filed under Humor, Two Shoes Tuesday

Welcome to the South: The Land of White Lies

“Every lie is two lies — the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it.” ~Robert Brault

If you want to do something to make my mama mad, just go ahead and lie to her. My mama values honesty and integrity. She believes that you should tell the truth and do what you say you are going to do. Nothing wrong with that! She is right.

And that is how I was raised. I think that is why I hate politics so much. But I suppose that is a different post.

The thing about telling lies is, that you think you have covered up the truth. However, by lying, you have not made the truth any less true, a little more obscure, maybe, but still true. The truth is still out there, following you around. And it has a way of eventually finding you. And biting you on the behind.

I was raised in the South. The land of sweet tea and “yes, ma’am” and “no, ma’am.” The land of small towns where everybody knows your business and most girls have two first names like “Mary Beth” or “Anna Grace.” The land where “Hey, y’all!” and  “Aww! Don’t you look pretty today!” (whether true or not) are common greetings.

Sometimes I think the South is the Land of White Lies. The land where telling half truths or slathering the truth in some sort of weird non-compliment is the norm—always stated in a sing-song-y tone of voice and punctuated with a smile, of course.

We are the masters of obscuring the truth. You know, ‘cause we wouldn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, now, would we?

Funny Courtesy Hello Ecard: Just have to remember to say 'Bless Her Heart.' All is forgiven then.

(image credit: someecards)

Let me submit these to you:

What she said: Bless her heart. What she meant: Lord have mercy, she is a train wreck!

What she said: Well, now THAT is a hairdo! What she meant: You should get your money back, honey, ‘cause you are lookin’ a sight!

What she said: Well, now, look at YOU! What she meant: Really? You chose to wear your pajama pants out in public?

What she said: What a sweet baby! What she meant: That is the scariest lookin’ child I have ever seen!

What she said: No, honey, that doesn’t make your butt look big—it makes  your waist look really small! What she meant: Wow, your butt is really big. You should burn that outfit NOW.

Truth be told, my mama never took to this practice. She just didn’t have the time for any fake-y behavior or for folks who engaged in such behavior. And I don’t subscribe to it myself, not as a general practice. But I would be lying if I said I never used the “Bless her heart” line.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a Southern Girl! I appreciate the ability to say difficult things with a smile and as much sweetness as I can muster. Some of us can speak the truth in love without lying or being unkind.

Some Southerners are just plain mean in all their syrup-y so-called sweetness and someone, let’s say a non-Southerner, after being told off by some sweet ole Southern Belle, won’t even know what hit ‘em! They walk away all confused and about ten minutes later it hits them—“Wait a minute! She just said my butt looked big…to my face!” 

All Southerners are not that way, of course. But we are human. And in our humanity, we all lie at times. I am guilty too—even in all my inbred belief in honesty and integrity, I am imperfect.

Yes, I lied to my parents when I was a teenager—many times. (Sorry, Mama!) Yes, I taught my kids to believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Yes, I have told someone they look great when maybe they did not. (Not any of you reading this.)  And yes, those are lies.

As much as I believe in honesty, I also believe in mercy and second chances. I have been forgiven so much…and continue to be forgiven every time I lie or screw up in some other way, as I am often wont to do. And I am sure I will tell someone at some point in the future, “Yes, that IS a great outfit!” Or maybe I just won’t say anything at all. Bless my heart.

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This is my offering for Two Shoes Tuesday. Each week, Josie gives two word prompts to choose from and you must include one or both of them  in an original essay, poem or story. You can use them as a theme or the words themselves. This week’s words were white and lies.

Want to link up? Click below:

20 Comments

Filed under Humor, Two Shoes Tuesday