Tag Archives: random silliness

I’m a (Dancing) Pepper

Hello, my name is Joell, and I am a Diet Dr. Pepper addict.

Around here, we just call it by its real name—crack.

Seriously.

How does my man show his love for me?

He brings me home a 2 liter of DDP. Yes, that works as a bribe for most anything. He’s a keeper, for sure.

Why do I love that liquid gold so? It’s hard to say. It could be that it is so good that you can’t tell the difference between DDP and the real thing. That way, I feel like I am getting all the good/bad stuff  (whichever) without drinking the fully leaded DP. Or maybe it’s how that CO2 bubbles up and tickles my nose.

I don’t know, but I do know that I love it more than Southern sweet iced tea, and, people, that is mother’s milk down here. I love it more than coffee. And I love my coffee a lot, y’all.

If I need to sponsor a 12-step program, let me know, because to be sure I can’t be the only one.

Wait a minute, better just scratch that, I don’t think I’m quite ready to kick the habit just yet. Maybe the fact that Mama doesn’t share her DDP—with anyone—confirms that fact. Okay, so I am not going to be your go-to person for that, after all. How about just a DDP lovers club?

In other news, I would like to give a little public service announcement encouraging the pastime of dancing (badly) in the kitchen to 80s music whilst preparing dinner. Hopefully, your children have friends over and you can embarrass them. If not, at least your children can make fun of you and you can all have a good laugh. And while they are there in the kitchen, they can become educated in the awesomeness of the 80s,  help cook dinner and unload the dishwasher as punishment! Next thing you know, BAM, you’re making memories! Score one for Mama!

And by the way, as you celebrate Independence Day, please do think of my poor, (11 year old) puppy, Jiffy, because over the next few days, there will be heart attacks galore. Down here in South Carolina, where fireworks are legal, people don’t really need a holiday to shoot off fireworks. It could be February 5th or October 10th—no matter—one day is as good as any other. So, when they actually do have a reason, well, they go all kinds of crazy. And therefore, so does my dog. The 4th of July is more of a week-long fireworks bonanza in my ‘hood, rather than a one night only performance. As I type, the Jiffster is running around like the Tasmanian Devil, barking her fool head off. Poor kid.

Well, Happy 4th of July, y’all!

And don’t forget to dance in the kitchen!

“There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.”  ~Edwin Denby

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Filed under Family, Humor, Jiffy, Random Silliness, The 'Hood

Fun Facts About Forty 2.0

Today, a little lighter fare, after quite a few heavy posts.

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”  ~Samuel Ullman

In order to broaden your educational horizons, I have gathered a few more interesting facts about turning forty…which happened, oh, almost 3 years ago. So, I’ve had some time to make some additional observations.

Perhaps you can identify?

Recently, I’ve noticed I’m losing some hair. Okay, so I’m afraid I am going bald. There seems to be so much shed when I wash it, condition it, and then comb it after I shower, that I can’t see how I am going to have any left by the time I am 44. No, I have not recently given birth. But I did have quite the post partum hair loss, but those days ended 14 years ago.

It is a mystery.

But I am considering getting the info from Hair Club for Men just in case. Cause I have seen a few women in their most recent commercials; I may not be such an anomaly after all. Or maybe I’ll get me some of that spray on hair. Whichever. Oh, yeah, and I am planning to take out some stock in Drano—the new kind with the snake-y thing attached. My drain is not happy with me!

Additionally, I fear that the vertical thing between my eyeballs which I once referred to, ever so daintily, as a frown line, can now easily be called a crater, a crevice, or, let’s be honest here—a crack in the tectonic plates of my face. I don’t think there is enough spackle at my local Lowe’s to get the job done. There are also a couple of parentheticals on my face that are deepening even as I type.

My “bingo wings” are still in full force…maybe even fuller force, if that is possible. Bingo wings? This term, was coined (as far as I know) by my BFF’s daughter (AKA my faux niece, for she does call me Aunt Jo). The term “bingo wings” describes that flabulous flank of saggy skin on the backside of your biceps which, when you score a BINGO! and you wave your arm in the air to acknowledge your win, undulates like a bird’s wing a-flapping in the breeze. If this describes you, then, BAM!! you’ve got yourself a bingo wing! Maybe two! I reckon it’s nothing a few thousand triceps dips couldn’t cure. Triceps dips, yeah, right. Not. happening.

I am also noticing some of those age spots. You know the ones they used to advertise that cream for back in the day? I’ve got a couple on my face. Lots on my hands and arms. Maybe pretty soon, I’ll just be one big ole age spot and no one will notice any of them. Here’s hoping.

What makes it all even more fun is having a daughter with a hilarious sense of humor who loves to take candid pictures of me at the most inopportune times and then post them to Facebook. I try to get the camera and delete them, but sometimes I’m just not fast enough. Gotta love that kid!

Enjoy the montage courtesy of Emma, my personal paparazza. Go ahead, have a laugh at my expense. It’s okay. It will be you one day, when you have your own personal photog documenting your aging progress. Until then, I’ll keep you posted on my journey toward aging gracefully.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going kicking and screaming. My body may wrinkle, but my soul never will! Can’t wait to see what 45 brings!

058Fall '11 107015019Emma's iPod pics 008Emma's iPod pics 784

And for all my fellow wrinkled ladies, here is the very funny Anita Renfroe.

For all my fellow wrinkled ladies.

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Filed under Day to Day, Humor, Random Silliness

We The People…

Long time, no post.

I must say I get pretty caught up in my days and basically feel overwhelmed most of the time.  So it seems, sadly, that my blog is what goes lacking! (Along with the laundry, vacuuming, etc.)  I have certainly thought about posting things that have happened and tell myself that “I’ll get to that tonight”.  But y’all know how that goes…it doesn’t!  Usually, my blog fodder ideas get condensed into 150 character or less Facebook statuses.  So, there ya go.

But today, Jacob and I had one of the best laughs we’ve had in a while and I had to share before the day got away. We’re on our lunch break, so here goes.

We’ve been studying recently about how our fine nation came to be…from colonies to a country.  These last couple of weeks, we’ve been reading the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.  Thanks to my friends at Schoolhouse Rock, we have memorized the Preamble.  Can’t stop singing it either!  I must say that the Constitution is quite the snooze-fest (sorry, but it is), but I rather enjoyed the Declaration of Independence, which I shamefully admit that I had never read before this week…not that I remember anyway.  They really slammed on my boy King George III.  You should read it some time.

Anyway…as we were reading and deciphering the Bill of Rights today, we found ourselves at the 10th Amendment trying to figure out, in “regular person terms”, just what in the heck it means.  I gotta say that I’m still not completely clear on it, but it’s something about the power of the states and the people and blah blah blah, which led us to visit our friend Google to try to make more sense of it.  Then we started talking about how states can make some laws of their own, apart from the federal government (as long as they don’t violate the Constitution, of course!) and how stupid some of them are.  Which led us back to our faithful friend Google to look at some of the dumbest of the dumb.

Which brings me to the reason we have all gathered here today…a Letterman’s Top Ten, of sorts:

Top Ten Dumbest State Laws (according to Jacob and Joell)

10. In California, it is illegal to pile horse manure more than 6 feet high on a street corner. (“Hey, hon?  Can you get me the the tape measure?  <sigh> Looks like Trigger might have put us over the 6 ft mark again…”)

9.  In Alaska, it is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. (Dead ones, no problem, though.)

8.  In Illinois, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on a curb.  (Consider yourselves warned, all you curbside beer bucket drinkers!  Just go stand in the alley with your bucket o’ beer, would ya?)

7.  In Kansas, it is illegal to hunt whales.  (Ummm, last time I checked there was no ocean in Kansas…is there something I’m missing here?)

6.  In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket. (Makes you wonder what kind of devastating tragedy prompted this law to be put on the books, doesn’t it?)

5.  In West Virginia, it is illegal for children to attend school with their breath smelling of wild onions. (“Dang it, Maw, I dun tole you not to put them thar onions on my sammich and now I dun landed myself up here in the pokey!”)

4.  In Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. (Okaaaaaaay??)

3.  In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.  (Dang, how else am I supposed to eat it??)

2.  In Texas, it is illegal to emit obnoxious odors in an elevator. (Sorry folks, but you better hold it in till you get to your destination.)

AND…Drum Roll Please!

1.  In Florida, it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00 pm on Thursdays. (But any other day of the week you can just let her rip, apparently??)

And with that, because I know all my friends love Schoolhouse Rock just as much as I do, but mainly because I want y’all to have this looping through your brain with me, (Hey, I don’t want to suffer alone), I give you, THE PREAMBLE 70s Schoolhouse Rock Style. Enjoy.

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Filed under Homeschooling, Humor, Random Silliness