Tag Archives: special needs

I am an unchurched Christian.

Steeple, Iowa CityI am ashamed to say it, but it’s true.

For the better part of the last five years, our family has spent very little time in church—I couldn’t even call us irregular attendees.

What gives? I mean, I am a PK (preacher’s kid) and all, for goodness’ sake! How can I not be attending church? Aren’t Christians supposed to go to church?

Well, it’s not because I don’t want to go. Oh, we’ve gone in “fits and starts”. But there have been seasons of life when it has been impossible for us to go because it was just too much for Jacob.

In your church, do you see, or know of, any adults or families with kids with Down’s Syndrome? In wheelchairs? With autism? Or other disabilities? Is your church reaching out to and loving on these folks?

Lots of times, if these things do not affect you directly, it is not on your radar at all. Which is understandable. I get that, but we are out there: Christian families, who love the Lord, but find it nearly impossible, for whatever reason, to be a part of a church.

Where do families with special needs fit in our churches today?

In our various moves around the country, we have attended many churches over the years. Churches of many denominations—Southern Baptist, Evangelical Presbyterian, non-denominational.

Only one of those churches offered a specific ministry to those with special needs and their families.

Unfortunately for my family, that was before we even knew we were a family with special needs.

Even though we were not a part of that ministry at that particular church, I was keenly aware of how it met the needs of many of the families in our church. I knew families whose lives were deeply impacted by that ministry. Those special folks were not only welcomed and ministered to, they were celebrated. They were a vital part of the body of that church.

In fact, it was because of that ministry that many of those families were able to come to church at all.

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.  ~Romans 12:3-5 (NIV) emphasis mine

As a PK, I grew up on the pews of quite a few Methodist churches around eastern North Carolina. I was raised attending summer camps and youth groups and revival meetings. Church was an integral part of our family.

I remember fondly laying my head on my mother’s lap in those pews, looking curiously at one of her veined hands, while the other gently stroked my hair as my Daddy preached from the pulpit.

I also remember, as I got a little older, cracking up in those pews at my older brother as he pointed and snickered at how the blue hair of the old lady in the pew in front of us matched her blue suit. It was quite hilarious, much to my mother’s chagrin. She shot us the dagger eyes. It still tickles me to this day.

Nowadays, when I get asked where we attend church, I am ashamed to say that currently we are not attending anywhere, and I am quick to add, “but we have been visiting and just haven’t found our church home yet.”

Which is sort of the truth and sort of a lie.

The truth is we haven’t found a church home where we feel our son is comfortable, understood or welcomed. And the truth is, we are not the only ones.

When you have a family member with special needs whether they are hidden disabilities like autism, as in our case, or they are more visible, you need a church family. You need to feel that your child will be loved on, safe, and accepted into your church family, not looked at as a situation to be dealt with, feared or simply tolerated.

Sometimes I feel like the fact that we are not attending church regularly makes me less of a Christian somehow, and a failure at raising godly children. In a family of ministers (my father and both brothers), I sometimes feel like I am failing miserably. I know that is not true.

I know that going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car.

I just miss the fellowship. I miss the teaching. The worship. I feel like my kids are missing out and honestly, I feel guilty for not being in church. Please know that I am not blaming anyone else for our being unchurched. I know that I have a part to play in this as well, but I see a general lack in this area of ministry in churches. I believe churches need to take some time to consider whether they are reaching out to all families.

I am not just talking about creating another program to slap on the weekly calendar of the church.

I am talking about love.

Who is church for, anyway?

Is church just for those who look the part, all cleaned up and acceptable in the eyes of the church? Those who are easy to look at and care for?

I’m  not just talking about those with special needs or disabilities, either.

I am talking about people who struggle with addiction, whose marriages are falling apart, who have a family member who has committed suicide. I am talking about the homeless, the poor, the elderly, infirm,  and shut in, the mentally ill, the outcasts of society.

All need to be loved and need the fellowship of other believers. They need relationships. They need Jesus. They need people to be His hands and feet.

What if Jesus had thrown up His hands and shrugged his shoulders when the woman came to the well at Samaria? What if Jesus had allowed the men to stone that adulterous woman? Or ignored the lepers and the prostitutes? What if God had never changed the life of Saul that day on the Damascus Road? Because if anybody appeared to be a lost cause, it was Saul. Many of today’s churches wouldn’t have touched him with a ten foot pole! The parables Jesus told about the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son aren’t just stories. They are examples for us to follow about how to minister to people in the trenches of life. Every trench—the painful, ugly, prickly, muddy, stinky, scary and difficult-to-navigate trenches.

He meets us where we are. He loves intentionally.

I think His church needs to do the same.


“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’  ~Matthew 25:40


Filed under Autism Days, Faith

Why do bad things happen?

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do people suffer? Why is this happening to me?

The age old questions. We have heard them all our lives. Maybe you’ve asked them yourself at one time or another.

I know I have.

But then, I found the answer.

When our son was 5, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder. In some ways, his diagnosis answered our many questions about why our boy struggled so. In other ways, it brought on more questions about what we should do next, how could we help him, what his future would be like.

Occasionally I would find myself having a moment of wondering why this would happen to our son, to our family. Why?

Please know that I do not want to change him, because part of what makes him such an incredible kid is his Asperger’s. But there have been times when I’ve watched him struggle and wished he did not have to, like, for example, one of the many times we have been in a restaurant having a perfectly wonderful time and a ridiculously loud woman two tables over guffaws incessantly and assaults my boy’s sensitive ears until he runs screaming out of the restaurant.

Now, with Jesus, lots of work, counseling, practice and medication, that has not happened in, well, right now I cannot recall the last time that happened. In the last 3 years, Jacob, now 17, has grown by leaps and bounds. To God be the glory! But I am not so far removed from those “bolting moments” that I have forgotten the pain and the embarrassment—both for him and for us.

And then, one day a few years ago, I found this passage of scripture from John 9:1-7.

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

9 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi,who sinned,this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in himAs long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. “Go,” he told him,“wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

Here it was! The answer to why these things happen, from the mouth of Jesus himself. The words leaped off the page. There was such relief in my heart as I read those words.

“This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

He wants to display His works in my son! In me! In the life of our family!

God wants to give you a story.

He wants to display His works in you, in your children and loved ones, in your deepest, darkest, most hurt places, so that as you walk through those trials you can come out the other side with a testimony to God’s love, mercy and faithfulness.

This does not mean he will make the suffering go away, as he did for the blind man, but it does not mean He won’t. It means He will work in you so that you can walk through it, depend on Him, learn and grow. And share your story.

Your story will not look like everyone else’s. But rest assured, you will have a story.

A story of victory, what He taught you in that trial and how you grew in your faith. How He sustained you in a time when you were at the very end of it all. A story that you can share with those who come after you.

To give God the glory He deserves.

To encourage others.

To tell them that they are not alone in their pain and suffering.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” ~Deuteronomy 31:8

What’s your story?


Filed under Autism Days, Faith, Family, Inspiration, Lessons