I am reminded of that old commercial for Band-Aids…that jingle sticks in my head like a rat in a trap…
Envision a little kid sitting on the end of a dock, pointing a bandaged finger to a bandaged knee. Water dripping everywhere, she is swinging her legs and happily singing, “I am stuck on band-aid brand ’cause band-aid’s stuck on me…” OY! Now is when I need Jacob to sing the “Dora the Explorer” song to me, which is what he does when something like Bohemian Rhapsody gets jammed in my looping memory, as often happens, due to my LCD*. You’d be surprised how quickly the Dora song can banish any song from my brain. Of course, then you are stuck with that one and you must quickly find another, more palatable tune. Yikes! But I digress…
Anybody out there ever had a wart…the common kind (y’all behave!)…or have your kids had one? They are pretty creepy, I have to say. Emma (who would be mortified to know that I am writing about this…as mortified as she would be if I were to write about bra shopping or leg shaving, but we won’t be discussing that, will we?), well, Emma has had a wart growing on her index finger for about a year now. Never having had wart experience as a mother, I was not sure how to proceed. I’ve seen the Compound W commercials over the years and have pretty much ignored them because they did not apply to me. Clearly, they do not have a commercial with a catchy jingle! So in my less than vast wart knowledge, I did not really seek any medical advice. No, I just went to my local CVS drugstore and perused the wart section. At the time (several months ago), I found this freezy stuff (made by Dr. Scholl’s) and purchased it. Emma, who has zero pain tolerance, looked at me with some trepidation, and after some convincing, she let me apply the freezy stuff.
Two things about the freezy stuff: 1. It hurts. A lot. 2. It doesn’t work.
It says you can try again after a couple of weeks, but due to pain concerns, I was not able to use my mad convincing skillz to make Emma believe that it was the right thing to do for a second time. Summer came and the wart sort of took a back seat. We were too busy living our fun summer life. As school began to loom, Emma mentioned the wart. And by “mentioned”, I mean she walked up to me and held her warty index finger in my face <shiver>. She then asked, “What are we going to do about this?” I told her we would handle it, but then proceeded to move on with life. (Bad mother award, yeah, I know.)
About three weeks ago, Emma and I were watching television, and she suddenly and randomly looked at me and said, “Mom, I want to get some of those wart band-aids.” I gave her my best “what chu talkin’ bout, Willis” face. She said that Victoria (her cousin, whom she had seen at my grandma’s 90th birthday bash) had a wart on her knee and had one of these wart curing band-aids on it. (When I hear about these things, I SO wish I had been the one to think them up. I mean, band-aids to cure the warts? Really!) So, we went, right then, back to the drugstore and purchased ourselves some wart curing band-aids. They are made by Compound W, by the way.
Four things about wart band-aids: 1. No pain is involved. 2.They seem to be very water resistant. 3. They are kind of expensive (14 band-aids for $10.99, to be changed every 48 hours) BUT 4. They WORK!
Each time we have changed the band-aid, Old Warty seems to be disintegrating and shrinking. Don’t get me wrong, it still looks uglier than a monkey’s armpit. But, I am feeling like this is the ticket to being wart-free! Yeah!
So for future reference, all you wart sufferers, now or in the future, fore go the freezy stuff and just head straight for the band-aid aisle! Your daughter will thank you. And hopefully she won’t be jamming her warty finger up in your grill.
UPDATE: Still no ants. Pepper is the ticket! And it won’t kill your dog or small children! Just wanted to keep y’all posted on this very critical info.
*LCD – Better known as Lyric Compulsive Disorder. This is a diagnosis I (made up and) gave myself due to my uncontrollable compulsion to associate song lyrics, and subsequently sing them aloud, with pretty much any situation or statement I hear. LCD sufferers UNITE!