Tag Archives: fun facts about forty

Fun Facts About Forty 2.0

Today, a little lighter fare, after quite a few heavy posts.

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”  ~Samuel Ullman

In order to broaden your educational horizons, I have gathered a few more interesting facts about turning forty…which happened, oh, almost 3 years ago. So, I’ve had some time to make some additional observations.

Perhaps you can identify?

Recently, I’ve noticed I’m losing some hair. Okay, so I’m afraid I am going bald. There seems to be so much shed when I wash it, condition it, and then comb it after I shower, that I can’t see how I am going to have any left by the time I am 44. No, I have not recently given birth. But I did have quite the post partum hair loss, but those days ended 14 years ago.

It is a mystery.

But I am considering getting the info from Hair Club for Men just in case. Cause I have seen a few women in their most recent commercials; I may not be such an anomaly after all. Or maybe I’ll get me some of that spray on hair. Whichever. Oh, yeah, and I am planning to take out some stock in Drano—the new kind with the snake-y thing attached. My drain is not happy with me!

Additionally, I fear that the vertical thing between my eyeballs which I once referred to, ever so daintily, as a frown line, can now easily be called a crater, a crevice, or, let’s be honest here—a crack in the tectonic plates of my face. I don’t think there is enough spackle at my local Lowe’s to get the job done. There are also a couple of parentheticals on my face that are deepening even as I type.

My “bingo wings” are still in full force…maybe even fuller force, if that is possible. Bingo wings? This term, was coined (as far as I know) by my BFF’s daughter (AKA my faux niece, for she does call me Aunt Jo). The term “bingo wings” describes that flabulous flank of saggy skin on the backside of your biceps which, when you score a BINGO! and you wave your arm in the air to acknowledge your win, undulates like a bird’s wing a-flapping in the breeze. If this describes you, then, BAM!! you’ve got yourself a bingo wing! Maybe two! I reckon it’s nothing a few thousand triceps dips couldn’t cure. Triceps dips, yeah, right. Not. happening.

I am also noticing some of those age spots. You know the ones they used to advertise that cream for back in the day? I’ve got a couple on my face. Lots on my hands and arms. Maybe pretty soon, I’ll just be one big ole age spot and no one will notice any of them. Here’s hoping.

What makes it all even more fun is having a daughter with a hilarious sense of humor who loves to take candid pictures of me at the most inopportune times and then post them to Facebook. I try to get the camera and delete them, but sometimes I’m just not fast enough. Gotta love that kid!

Enjoy the montage courtesy of Emma, my personal paparazza. Go ahead, have a laugh at my expense. It’s okay. It will be you one day, when you have your own personal photog documenting your aging progress. Until then, I’ll keep you posted on my journey toward aging gracefully.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going kicking and screaming. My body may wrinkle, but my soul never will! Can’t wait to see what 45 brings!

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And for all my fellow wrinkled ladies, here is the very funny Anita Renfroe.

For all my fellow wrinkled ladies.

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Filed under Day to Day, Humor, Random Silliness

Fun Facts About Forty

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”  ~Chili Davis

It has arrived.  The day upon which I embark on a little adventure I like to call

“Holy Crap I’m Forty”. 

Yep.

Seriously, it is a very difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around.  How can this be?  Why, just last week, I was 21, right?? Or so it seemed.

Somebody once said forty is the new 30. Frankly, 30 kinda freaked me out, so I’m gonna say that 40 is the new 29.  Call it denial if you would like.  I can be okay with that.

Just roll with me here.

I wish I could flail my arms in the air and say “Yippee, I’m 40!”  But honestly, at this point in time, the main thing I’m feeling is, well, pretty flabulous.  And if I flailed my flabulous arms, anyone in my vicinity might be seriously injured, so we’ll just skip that!  I am very out of shape.  I’m moderately stressed. And by golly, the economy is nothing, if not uncertain.  So what’s a girl, er, middle-aged woman, to do?

Here are some things I’ve noticed of late:

  • Recently, I have found some disturbingly random hairs growing inappropriately on my forehead…that is to say, somewhere in the space above my eyebrows and below my hairline, I’m having to pluck.  Something’s just wrong about that.  Thank God for tweezers is all I can say.
  • Things creak when I get out of bed or walk up the stairs.  Sadly, it is neither the floor nor the stairs which is creaking.
  • I don’t remember the last time the lady at the grocery store carded me when I came through the line with my bottle of Pinot Grigio.
  • I say a lot of things my mom used to say to me that I swore I’d never say. (i.e., “Because I said so”,  “I’m not every one else’s mom”)
  • I won’t give you the details, but my “cycle” has begun to change significantly.  I even think I had a hot flash yesterday.  Not kidding.
  • I have to break out the 1.00 magnifiers occasionally and keep a pair in my purse and by my bed.

On the other hand, there are some things, that come along with being in your teens, 20s and 30s, that I’d just as soon not have to endure again:

  • Making reallllllly dumb decisions due to being young and naive
  • Dating
  • Planning a wedding…boy, would I do A LOT of things differently (I’d keep the same sweet guy though!)
  • Childbirth (Adore my precious ones, but wouldn’t want to do it again)
  • Learning how to deal with passive aggressive people
  • Learning that people are always going to judge you
  • Learning that people are always going to give you unsolicited advice
  • Learning to ignore the aforementioned judging and advising

There is a lot to be said for turning forty.  And the flabulousness could, with a lot, and I do mean a lot, of work, be turned into fabulousness.  Not that I am not, even at this moment, simultaneously flabulous AND fabulous. BUT, I would perhaps feel more fabulous if I were less flabulous…but, I digress…

Happy Birthday to Me!  I’m facing the big 4-0 head on!  Now let’s eat some cake, cause y’all know how I love me some cake!

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Filed under Day to Day, Humor, Random Silliness