Category Archives: Random Silliness

I’m a (Dancing) Pepper

Hello, my name is Joell, and I am a Diet Dr. Pepper addict.

Around here, we just call it by its real name—crack.

Seriously.

How does my man show his love for me?

He brings me home a 2 liter of DDP. Yes, that works as a bribe for most anything. He’s a keeper, for sure.

Why do I love that liquid gold so? It’s hard to say. It could be that it is so good that you can’t tell the difference between DDP and the real thing. That way, I feel like I am getting all the good/bad stuff  (whichever) without drinking the fully leaded DP. Or maybe it’s how that CO2 bubbles up and tickles my nose.

I don’t know, but I do know that I love it more than Southern sweet iced tea, and, people, that is mother’s milk down here. I love it more than coffee. And I love my coffee a lot, y’all.

If I need to sponsor a 12-step program, let me know, because to be sure I can’t be the only one.

Wait a minute, better just scratch that, I don’t think I’m quite ready to kick the habit just yet. Maybe the fact that Mama doesn’t share her DDP—with anyone—confirms that fact. Okay, so I am not going to be your go-to person for that, after all. How about just a DDP lovers club?

In other news, I would like to give a little public service announcement encouraging the pastime of dancing (badly) in the kitchen to 80s music whilst preparing dinner. Hopefully, your children have friends over and you can embarrass them. If not, at least your children can make fun of you and you can all have a good laugh. And while they are there in the kitchen, they can become educated in the awesomeness of the 80s,  help cook dinner and unload the dishwasher as punishment! Next thing you know, BAM, you’re making memories! Score one for Mama!

And by the way, as you celebrate Independence Day, please do think of my poor, (11 year old) puppy, Jiffy, because over the next few days, there will be heart attacks galore. Down here in South Carolina, where fireworks are legal, people don’t really need a holiday to shoot off fireworks. It could be February 5th or October 10th—no matter—one day is as good as any other. So, when they actually do have a reason, well, they go all kinds of crazy. And therefore, so does my dog. The 4th of July is more of a week-long fireworks bonanza in my ‘hood, rather than a one night only performance. As I type, the Jiffster is running around like the Tasmanian Devil, barking her fool head off. Poor kid.

Well, Happy 4th of July, y’all!

And don’t forget to dance in the kitchen!

“There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.”  ~Edwin Denby

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Filed under Family, Humor, Jiffy, Random Silliness, The 'Hood

Fun Facts About Forty 2.0

Today, a little lighter fare, after quite a few heavy posts.

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”  ~Samuel Ullman

In order to broaden your educational horizons, I have gathered a few more interesting facts about turning forty…which happened, oh, almost 3 years ago. So, I’ve had some time to make some additional observations.

Perhaps you can identify?

Recently, I’ve noticed I’m losing some hair. Okay, so I’m afraid I am going bald. There seems to be so much shed when I wash it, condition it, and then comb it after I shower, that I can’t see how I am going to have any left by the time I am 44. No, I have not recently given birth. But I did have quite the post partum hair loss, but those days ended 14 years ago.

It is a mystery.

But I am considering getting the info from Hair Club for Men just in case. Cause I have seen a few women in their most recent commercials; I may not be such an anomaly after all. Or maybe I’ll get me some of that spray on hair. Whichever. Oh, yeah, and I am planning to take out some stock in Drano—the new kind with the snake-y thing attached. My drain is not happy with me!

Additionally, I fear that the vertical thing between my eyeballs which I once referred to, ever so daintily, as a frown line, can now easily be called a crater, a crevice, or, let’s be honest here—a crack in the tectonic plates of my face. I don’t think there is enough spackle at my local Lowe’s to get the job done. There are also a couple of parentheticals on my face that are deepening even as I type.

My “bingo wings” are still in full force…maybe even fuller force, if that is possible. Bingo wings? This term, was coined (as far as I know) by my BFF’s daughter (AKA my faux niece, for she does call me Aunt Jo). The term “bingo wings” describes that flabulous flank of saggy skin on the backside of your biceps which, when you score a BINGO! and you wave your arm in the air to acknowledge your win, undulates like a bird’s wing a-flapping in the breeze. If this describes you, then, BAM!! you’ve got yourself a bingo wing! Maybe two! I reckon it’s nothing a few thousand triceps dips couldn’t cure. Triceps dips, yeah, right. Not. happening.

I am also noticing some of those age spots. You know the ones they used to advertise that cream for back in the day? I’ve got a couple on my face. Lots on my hands and arms. Maybe pretty soon, I’ll just be one big ole age spot and no one will notice any of them. Here’s hoping.

What makes it all even more fun is having a daughter with a hilarious sense of humor who loves to take candid pictures of me at the most inopportune times and then post them to Facebook. I try to get the camera and delete them, but sometimes I’m just not fast enough. Gotta love that kid!

Enjoy the montage courtesy of Emma, my personal paparazza. Go ahead, have a laugh at my expense. It’s okay. It will be you one day, when you have your own personal photog documenting your aging progress. Until then, I’ll keep you posted on my journey toward aging gracefully.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going kicking and screaming. My body may wrinkle, but my soul never will! Can’t wait to see what 45 brings!

058Fall '11 107015019Emma's iPod pics 008Emma's iPod pics 784

And for all my fellow wrinkled ladies, here is the very funny Anita Renfroe.

For all my fellow wrinkled ladies.

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Filed under Day to Day, Humor, Random Silliness

#crazytalk

I can only hope this post comes off as anything close to coherent. I am so sleep deprived right now that my eyes are beginning to cross, and drool is beginning to dribble down my chin. And I still need to go prepare some dinner for my people…Danger, Will Robinson…I am sure I have that glassed-over look of a mother of a newborn colicky bundle of joy who is only sleeping 3 hours a night.

All because of Twitter.

Sheesh.

Once again I have been taken hostage by another social media thingy. Oh, it started out innocently enough.

First, it was blogging. Then, it was MySpace. (Does anybody even remember MySpace?) Then a little community called CafeMom looked interesting and I got all immersed in that. Then, it was Facebook. Hello, Facebook, so long, MySpace and CafeMom!

Oh my, that Facebook is addictive. The reconnection with old friends. Keeping out of town family members up on what is going on with the kids. And the games. Don’t get me started on the games. Bejeweled. Wetopia. Words With Friends. Yeah, I’ve done it all. All except Farmville. I managed to stand my ground there. <high five>

I mean, I am not a total idiot; I knew about Twitter. Tweets. The Twitterverse. But I felt like I had to maintain some sort of self control. I just could not do one. more. social. media. thing. I refused.

Until last night. Sigh.

Darn you, peer pressure! <shakes fist angrily>

A friend of my sweet friend Sarah had tweeted about my last post (thank you, Nick) and she (via Facebook, of course!) informed me that I needed to join Twitter. I held my ground and continued to stay strong. She used the fact that my brothers are both on Twitter against me. She even spouted off about how Twitter is about relationships with people. Oh, you sneaky Sarah! And this was not the first time she had put the Twitter bug in my ear.

She was starting to wear me down.

Then, curiously, I ventured over to look at the thing—only to discover that, WHAT?, my Emma has a Twitter account? What the heck??!

I was seriously failing in my maternal stalking duties!

That sealed it.

Keeping in mind that it was already around 9 PM or after, and also keeping in mind my psycho-perfectionistic need to learn it all…now, I joined the Twitterverse. I know I am crazy and I don’t need one more thing, but dang if I am going to have anyone accusing me of not stalking my child properly! I mean, it is just good parenting, y’all. I give parental stalking tips for free, just in case there is a need out there. I’m here for you. #stalkingparentsunite

So, my sweet Sarah and all her tweeps guided me through all the retweeting and hashtags and replying. She had her friends follow me and make me feel welcome in that strange new world.

Oh, and the first person I followed: my own child. Uh-huh. You know that’s right. Let me say here that Emma gives me no real reason to stalk her. My stalking is only of a preemptive nature. Most of her tweets were Hunger Games or Harry Potter related. Truly harmless stuff. I don’t want y’all misled about my baby girl! #innocentuntilprovenguilty

I am ashamed to tell y’all what time I went to bed. Suffice it to say that I haven’t been up that late since the college clubbing days when we used to shut down Shooters in Raleigh, NC. If you were there with me, then you know. Heeeyy, represent! #iamtoooldforthis

<yawn>

#thatisall

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Filed under Day to Day, Humor, Random Silliness