Category Archives: Jiffy

I’m a (Dancing) Pepper

Hello, my name is Joell, and I am a Diet Dr. Pepper addict.

Around here, we just call it by its real name—crack.

Seriously.

How does my man show his love for me?

He brings me home a 2 liter of DDP. Yes, that works as a bribe for most anything. He’s a keeper, for sure.

Why do I love that liquid gold so? It’s hard to say. It could be that it is so good that you can’t tell the difference between DDP and the real thing. That way, I feel like I am getting all the good/bad stuff  (whichever) without drinking the fully leaded DP. Or maybe it’s how that CO2 bubbles up and tickles my nose.

I don’t know, but I do know that I love it more than Southern sweet iced tea, and, people, that is mother’s milk down here. I love it more than coffee. And I love my coffee a lot, y’all.

If I need to sponsor a 12-step program, let me know, because to be sure I can’t be the only one.

Wait a minute, better just scratch that, I don’t think I’m quite ready to kick the habit just yet. Maybe the fact that Mama doesn’t share her DDP—with anyone—confirms that fact. Okay, so I am not going to be your go-to person for that, after all. How about just a DDP lovers club?

In other news, I would like to give a little public service announcement encouraging the pastime of dancing (badly) in the kitchen to 80s music whilst preparing dinner. Hopefully, your children have friends over and you can embarrass them. If not, at least your children can make fun of you and you can all have a good laugh. And while they are there in the kitchen, they can become educated in the awesomeness of the 80s,  help cook dinner and unload the dishwasher as punishment! Next thing you know, BAM, you’re making memories! Score one for Mama!

And by the way, as you celebrate Independence Day, please do think of my poor, (11 year old) puppy, Jiffy, because over the next few days, there will be heart attacks galore. Down here in South Carolina, where fireworks are legal, people don’t really need a holiday to shoot off fireworks. It could be February 5th or October 10th—no matter—one day is as good as any other. So, when they actually do have a reason, well, they go all kinds of crazy. And therefore, so does my dog. The 4th of July is more of a week-long fireworks bonanza in my ‘hood, rather than a one night only performance. As I type, the Jiffster is running around like the Tasmanian Devil, barking her fool head off. Poor kid.

Well, Happy 4th of July, y’all!

And don’t forget to dance in the kitchen!

“There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.”  ~Edwin Denby

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Filed under Family, Humor, Jiffy, Random Silliness, The 'Hood

Your friend and mine, Cesar Millan

“I rehabilitate dogs.  I train people.” ~Cesar Millan

“You are the source of your dog’s energy.  You are the role model.” ~Cesar Millan

“Don’t expect more from your dogs than your own children.” ~Cesar Millan

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Is anyone out there besides me obsessed with The Dog Whisperer?? Cesar Millan–friend of dogs and trainer of people.  I mean seriously.  I am completely mesmerized by this man.  It’s like what I am watching can’t possibly be for real.  He spends like, 5 minutes with these dogs and “POOF” they are cured!  No way!  Can anyone else relate?  Obviously, the man is doing something right.  He can turn a raging pit bull into a lap dog. 

Now I watch that Cesar work his magic and I say to myself, “There is no way that could work for me.”  The whole exercise/discipline/affection triangle.  But nevertheless, after watching an episode of The Dog Whisperer, which if you are living in a cave and don’t know, airs on the National Geographic channel, I feel completely inspired and am compelled to go and “train my dog”.  Which is quite hilarious.  Now I’ve mentioned my little Westie, Jiffy on occasion…she’s the escape artist, you know.  Anyway, after uttering a few “Shhhs” to Jiffy, in my best Cesar imitation and my most calm-assertive manner, my kids are like, “Mom, what ARE you doing???!”  “I’m training Jiffy,” I say.  What a joke!

All the while, Jiffy is just giving me the “no look”, as we call it.

Exhibit A: 

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

You see what I’m saying??  The “No look”.  The “No look” can be translated as:  “You people are crazy.  I know you are there looking at me, but if I pretend like I don’t see you there, you will go away.”  The “No look” is most often implemented when we want Jiffy to do something, such as, “Come here”.  Especially then.  But the cuteness…oh how it gets me every time!! 

Never mind that on every episode of The Dog Whisperer, there is a disclaimer which reads “Do not try these techniques without the help of a trained professional.”  I still on some crazy level feel like I should be able to do it myself. 

Maybe Cesar would make a trip to South Carolina and train me.  😀

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Game of chase anyone?

“It’s unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims.  It makes people nervous to see someone running.  I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.”  ~Mike Royko

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So the dog chasing thing I wrote about a couple of days ago…well, it happened yesterday.  Just thought y’all would like to know.  It’s never boring around here. 

Jacob chased her, in his Tae Kwon Do uniform (she “escaped” just as he was walking in the door from TKD…4 inch crack, as per usual), and caught her ALL BY HIMSELF, all in about 10 minutes.  That kid ROCKS!!! Totally flies in the face of my “needing a crowd to catch her” logic, eh?  Oh well, I live to be proven wrong, I reckon.

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Filed under Jacob, Jiffy