I am stuck on band-aids…

I am reminded of that old commercial for Band-Aids…that  jingle sticks in my head like a rat in a trap…

Envision a little kid sitting on the end of a dock, pointing a bandaged finger to a bandaged knee. Water dripping everywhere, she is swinging her legs and happily singing, “I am stuck on band-aid brand ’cause band-aid’s stuck on me…” OY! Now is when I need Jacob to sing the “Dora the Explorer” song to me, which is what he does when something like Bohemian Rhapsody gets jammed in my looping memory, as often happens, due to my LCD*. You’d be surprised how quickly the Dora song can banish any song from my brain.  Of course, then you are stuck with that one and you must quickly find another, more palatable tune.  Yikes!  But I digress…

Anybody out there ever had a wart…the common kind (y’all behave!)…or have your kids had one?  They are pretty creepy, I have to say.  Emma (who would be mortified to know that I am writing about this…as mortified as she would be if I were to write about bra shopping or leg shaving, but we won’t be discussing that, will we?), well, Emma  has had a wart growing on her index finger for about a year now.  Never having had wart experience as a mother, I was not sure how to proceed.  I’ve seen the Compound W commercials over the years and have pretty much ignored them because they did not apply to me. Clearly, they do not have a commercial with a catchy jingle! So in my less than vast wart knowledge, I did not really seek any medical advice.  No, I just went to my local CVS drugstore and perused the wart section.   At the time (several months ago), I found this freezy stuff (made by Dr. Scholl’s) and purchased it.  Emma, who has zero pain tolerance, looked at me with some trepidation, and after some convincing,  she let me apply the freezy stuff.

Two things about the freezy stuff: 1.  It hurts.  A lot.  2. It doesn’t work.

It says you can try again after a couple of weeks, but due to pain concerns, I was not able to use my mad convincing skillz to make Emma believe that it was the right thing to do for a second time.  Summer came and the wart sort of took a back seat.  We were too busy living our fun summer life.  As school began to loom, Emma mentioned the wart.  And by “mentioned”, I mean she walked up to me and held her warty index finger in my face <shiver>.  She then asked, “What are we going to do about this?” I told her we would handle it, but then proceeded to move on with life. (Bad mother award, yeah, I know.)

About three weeks ago, Emma and I were watching television, and she suddenly and randomly looked at me and said, “Mom, I want to get some of those wart band-aids.”  I gave her my best “what chu talkin’ bout, Willis” face.  She said that Victoria (her cousin, whom she had seen at my grandma’s 90th birthday bash)  had a wart on her knee and had one of these wart curing band-aids on it.  (When I hear about these things, I SO wish I had been the one to think them up.  I mean, band-aids to cure the warts? Really!)  So, we went, right then, back to the drugstore and purchased ourselves some wart curing band-aids.  They are made by Compound W, by the way.

Four things about wart band-aids: 1. No pain is involved. 2.They seem to be very water resistant. 3. They are kind of expensive (14 band-aids for $10.99, to be changed every 48 hours)  BUT  4. They WORK!

Each time we have changed the band-aid, Old Warty seems to be disintegrating and shrinking.  Don’t get me wrong, it still looks uglier than a monkey’s armpit.  But, I am feeling like this is the ticket to being wart-free!  Yeah!

So for future reference, all you wart sufferers, now or in the future, fore go the freezy stuff and just head straight for the band-aid aisle!  Your daughter will thank you. And hopefully she won’t be jamming her warty finger up in your grill.

UPDATE: Still no ants. Pepper is the ticket!  And it won’t kill your dog or small children!  Just wanted to keep y’all posted on this very critical info.

*LCD – Better known as Lyric Compulsive Disorder. This is a diagnosis I (made up and) gave myself due to my uncontrollable compulsion to associate song lyrics, and subsequently sing them aloud, with pretty much any situation or statement I hear. LCD sufferers UNITE!


Filed under Humor, Kids

9 responses to “I am stuck on band-aids…

  1. Wish they had this stuff when I was a kid! I think we had Compound W, but it didn’t work for me. When I was 11, I got a mosaic wart on my big toe. They have 3 roots and grow in rather than on the outside like a plantar. After two trips to a podiatrist to have it removed and it coming back, I dug the dang thing out with a pair of tweezers! It never came back, but OUCH!!

    Just remember the freezy stuff with Emma when it comes time for other things. That “painful” reminder could come in handy if she wants to get something pierced, tattooed, etc. 😉

    And THANKS A LOT – I’m going to be singing Bohemian Rhapsody in my head for the rest of the night in the voice of the kid from the Band-Aid commercial! LOL [#TALU]

    • Yikes!! Mosaic wart..roots? Ouchie! Glad you found your own cure, but sheesh! Painful!

      Good tip on future uses of the freezy stuff! Still have some left around here somewhere…LOL!

      ♪♫ I’m just a little silhouette-o of a man…scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango…..♫♪ 😉

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  5. My brother gets warts. From what I remember, they’re viral, so I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Toni’s advice is right on the money–make that virus mad, so it leaves or dies.

  6. Hmmm. I’m just going to say this: I too, have suffered from warts on my hands. As a teenager, I had them all over my hands. It was disgusting. And then, I did something. Something radical. After weeks, months, years even, of trying every over-the-counter whatnot you could think of, my warts were still coming–if I were to get rid of one, it would come back a month later with a vengence. And then, one day, after taking off all the band-aides, and throwing out all compound W, and then basically peeling my warts off as much as possible, I gave up. And then I cleaned the bathroom with no gloves. We’re talking Comet, Pinesol, windex, and straight-up bleach. Scrubbing my little heart and soul out with nothing but all those chemicals and the scratchy side of a scotch-brite sponge. And the warts. Went. Away. Forever.

    1st: my best friend who is a dermatologist says you have to irritate the warts somehow for any medicine or chemical to be effective. If Emma’s warts are all white and mushy from being messed with constantly then that’s great. It’s where all those wives’ tales about duct tape and pennies come in–I’m telling you: jack with the warts.

    2nd: apply the whatever. medication, bathroom cleaner, it’s probably essentially the same. just use it.

    3rd: give the warts time to air out.

    Okay, I’ve said too much. I hope any of all that helps.

    • Thanks for the, ahem, graphic help! LOL. Seriously, if the band-aid thing doesn’t work out, perhaps we’ll just submerge her digit in a vat of bleach. So far, we seem to be on the right track…I will keep you posted! 😉

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