An open letter to my HOA “Management Group”

To Whom It May Concern:

Once again, the pointlessness of my neighborhood HOA dues has been confirmed.  Now, that is something I should thank you for bringing to my attention. 

I received in the mail today another of your “communications”, which are now to the point of being ridiculous.  Have you really reprimanded me for having a folding lawn chair and a baseball bat on my porch?  Your desperation to find covenant violations astounds me.

You state in your communication to me that your management group is “seeking to preserve the integrity and value of the homes within [our] community”.  It seems to me that you are serving only as nit-picking Nazis who are wasting the paper on which your communications are printed, and thus, wasting my HOA dues.  Or perhaps you must only somehow justify your employment and the exorbitant fee you are paid to do your so-called job.  Or maybe you enjoy sending the homeowners in our subdivision into a blind rage every so often.  I haven’t the faintest idea which is the case, although I’m strongly leaning toward the blind rage. 

It is unfortunate that this harassment is part of living in this subdivision, which would otherwise be a very lovely place.  Had we known of your “management”, I assure you, we would not be living in this neighborhood.  If I had a hot pink utility building on my front lawn, or a jacked up rusted out camper on cinderblocks in my driveway, I could understand that you would be interested.  I am amazed that our homeowners dues go toward paying for the policing of miscellaneous small items on my front stoop. 

I believe your time would be better spent policing the vandalism that has been taking place at our pool over the summer.  Or monitoring the damage to some of the signage in the neighborhood.  Or sending nastygrams to the lovely neighbors who shot off fireworks in our neighborhood for the whole month of July.  Now that would be worth paying for.

By the way, your inspection failed to note the two pairs of sneakers on my front porch as well as the dead flowers in my planters and the smattering of leaves on my sidewalk. 

I’m afraid you are falling down on the job.  Tsk. Tsk.

Yours Truly,


(Shwew, I feel a lot better.)



Filed under Humor, Rants

6 responses to “An open letter to my HOA “Management Group”

  1. Nooner™

    Kind of a shame when condo association type communiities hire out outside managment companies to run the common areas, etc. I so much prefer when communities are self-run by elected homeowners. The members are generally much more approachable and understanding. Hey, you know I\’m sorry to hear what you are going through, Joell.

  2. Sarah

    In our experience the notes ony come when a neighbor complains… Usually the old man who meticulously mows his lawn because he is retired and is not raising a four year old.  We working folk just don\’t have the time to have a perfect lawn.

  3. Bill

    Read the rules to see if you\’re allowed to paint stuff about your HOA being full of nazis on the side of your house.  Remember, if it\’s not explicitly disallowed, it\’s allowed.My wife deals with the HOA in our neighborhood, because nothing brings out the inner nutjob in me faster than a letter from my friends in the homeowner\’s association.

  4. Michelle

    I love it!!  You would think that they could find something better to do with their time.
    Maybe you should get those big holiday blow-up characters.  Then they coulsn\’t see your stoop.

  5. Unknown

    I\’m personally partial to pink flamingos, and perhaps a flag of some sort (the tackier the better) hanging over the garage!

  6. Toni

    kind of makes a person want to go put a hot-pink utility building in the front yard.

I always love hearing from you! :-)

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