What is it with these people? These "property management" people. I’d like to manage THEIR property! Yeah, that’s right. I’d like to go all ninja on them fellahs right about now.
As my mind stewed during my post-nastygram-weed-pulling stint, I decided that "these people" have nothing better to do than to go cruising around my ‘hood with their little rulers and magnifying glasses in tow measuring how tall everyone’s grass is. It must be their way of justifying how much our neighborhood HOA pays them to torture us all.
You innocently go to your mailbox, only to reach in and realize that "these people" have been SPYING on you. When? When did they make their way past my front lawn, screech to a halt, and subjectively determine that my lawn was unsatisfactory??
No, we are not one of "those" homeowners with the manicured lawn and perfectly edged curb. You know the ones. The ones who live for each Saturday morning, when they can rise with the birds, pull out their shiny "precious" (a la Smeagol/Golum) and sculpt their yard into some kind of Edward Scissorhands-type perfection. All the while ruining a perfectly good Saturday morning sleep-in for the rest of us. On the other hand, we aren’t the Beverly Hillbillies either…though that could be up for debate, I imagine. Just ask the Property Management eggheads.
They send these arbitrary nastygrams and underneath the seemingly pleasant guise of "this is for the good of your neighborhood" lies the not so pleasant statement "pull your freaking weeds or we’ll lay a big fat fine on you". A lovely sentiment, really. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.
Oh, to have known about the neighborhood nazis a year ago before we purchased this home. I’m thinking I would not be living in this ‘hood. If we hadn’t just unloaded our other house, I’d almost be willing to move. Almost.