The Return of the Nastygram



What is it with these people?  These "property management" people.  I’d like to manage THEIR property!  Yeah, that’s right.  I’d like to go all ninja on them fellahs right about now.   

As my mind stewed during my post-nastygram-weed-pulling stint, I decided that "these people" have nothing better to do than to go cruising around my ‘hood with their little rulers and magnifying glasses in tow measuring how tall everyone’s grass is.  It must be their way of justifying how much our neighborhood HOA pays them to torture us all. 

You innocently go to your mailbox, only to reach in and realize that "these people" have been SPYING on you.  When?  When did they make their way past my front lawn, screech to a halt, and subjectively determine that my lawn was unsatisfactory?? 

No, we are not one of "those" homeowners with the manicured lawn and perfectly edged curb.  You know the ones.  The ones who live for each Saturday morning, when they can rise with the birds, pull out their shiny "precious" (a la Smeagol/Golum) and sculpt their yard into some kind of Edward Scissorhands-type perfection. All the while ruining a perfectly good Saturday morning sleep-in for the rest of us.  On the other hand, we aren’t the Beverly Hillbillies either…though that could be up for debate, I imagine.  Just ask the Property Management eggheads. 

They send these arbitrary nastygrams and underneath the seemingly pleasant guise of "this is for the good of your neighborhood" lies the not so pleasant statement "pull your freaking weeds or we’ll lay a big fat fine on you".  A lovely sentiment, really.  Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.


Oh, to have known about the neighborhood nazis a year ago before we purchased this home.  I’m thinking I would not be living in this ‘hood.   If we hadn’t just unloaded our other house, I’d almost be willing to move.  Almost.



Filed under Rants

5 responses to “The Return of the Nastygram

  1. Toni

    We actually had a flower bed that had no flowers, just weeds. But the weeds were so tall and decorative that it actually looked like a legit garden, so we just left it for the longest time. We had a weed bed. Then we ripped it all out and left it full of dirt, which is now just mud, and it\’s been sitting like that for 2 weeks, with the tiller and a big honkin\’ cart full of dead weeds right on our front walk. I\’m sure our own HOA loves us. I just wish they\’d spend more time worrying about the f@#$@&$ little dogs running around the neighborhood…

  2. Lena

    your HOA sounds like our HOA down in Alpharetta, Jawja.  Nazis.  That\’s what we called \’em too.  Must be south\’n charm.
    I\’m all for well maintained properties, but sometimes life gets in the way and a a few strays sprout.  Geesh, that happens to us women too.  I\’d slap the man who told me my triangular patch of real estate was unkempt!

  3. Sheila

    I love a scruffy lawns (laughing), as long as the grass doesn\’t tickle your backside! You get\’em girlie girl. Great vernacular!  I know exactly what you mean… living in the hysterical district of our town.  On the flip side of this, I was told just recently there is an unwritten rule in the south. Want to hear it? Here goes.  You aren\’t supposed to mow your lawn before 11 am on a Sunday morning, one neighbor nastily told another.  Who woulda thunk?If I were you, I would have one of those very messy yards sales right out front one whole weekend and threaten to do it each and every weekend (make sure you have manicured the lawn and every blade is in place first though) and make it as junkie as you can! Now that would bunch up those lawn Nazi\’s undies in a heart beat!hugs to you

  4. Bill

    I am TOTALLY in agreement with you.  In my last neighborhood, we got a nasty gram about a POD we got to move in.  The worst part is that my wife wont let me send them nasty letters BACK.   I havent had the opportunity to meet the HOA people in my new neighborhood yet, but I\’m sure I will at some point…What you need to do is paint "MY HOA SUCKS" in big letters ON THE SIDE OF YOUR HOUSE.  The covenents in my last neighborhood did not preclude that, but again, my wife wouldnt let me do it.  She spoils all my fun

  5. Jim

    HOAs are out of control.  They no longer serve the purposes in which they were intended.  Just my .02 worth.  Just curious, did you ask them to define what a weed is?

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