Leapin’ Lizards!

Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.  ~Author Unknown


We went to visit hubby’s parents this past weekend. We had a great weekend.  Magnificent weather, everyone’s been in a good mood. Couldn’t have asked for a nicer weekend.  Not to mention the fact that we now have the capability of going for a weekend visit!  It’s a beautiful thing!

Sunday morning. 

It’s breakfast time.  Hubby’s mom, henceforth MIL, is like a whirlwind in the kitchen.  And as per usual, is preparing every breakfast food known to mankind.  MIL is a trip and I love her!  She is a cooking fool!  She is generous and kind…and not just a little skittish about critters.  You know, critters:  bugs that fly, bugs that crawl, snakes and other various univited pests, er, I mean, guests.  Did I mention they live out in the country where “critters” abound? 

Hubby’s dad, henceforth FIL, is sitting at the kitchen table, finishing up his breakfast. I’m also sitting back at the table, drinking some java, chatting with my BFF, Kristi, on the phone.  Suddenly, I hear that familiar “high C” as we call it…the famous MIL shriek.  “WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”  I nearly drop my coffee cup on the floor and tell Kristi I gotta go!  “What IS it?” I say. 

I look across the table and sitting there, ON THE TABLE, just as pretty as you please is a LIZARD.  Not a big lizard…maybe about 4 inches from head to tail, one of those skinny little lizards you see climbing up the side of your house or on the bushes in your flower beds.  Not trying to hurt anybody, but it was just in the spot that MIL was about to set down her plastic honey bear!  “Joell you’ve got to get it!”  I’m throwing the phone down and scrambling for something to “get it” with. 

Meantime, I’m hollering for the kids to come check out this lizard!  In all the hubbub, Lizard has made his way to the back of the kitchen table chair next to FIL.  I’m standing there, looking at Lizard, thinking about how I’m going to “get it”.  NO LIE, Lizard is looking at me!  We’re now all standing there, just staring at Lizard.  I decide to get two plastic cups to aid me in my capture of Lizard.  “I don’t mind killing it” MIL says.  Emma, the animal lover, horrified, says, “Don’t kill it, Grandma!”  MIL says, “Jacob, pick it up and throw it outside”.

Lizard is still on the chairback.  Slowly, slowly, Jacob moves toward the lizard.  Index finger and thumb spread apart and ready to grasp Lizard firmly, yet gently, around his middle and give him a personal escort out the door.  We are all frozen, holding our collective breath and staring at him.  He is a hair away from snagging Lizard, and Lizard appears as though he is going to allow himself to be snagged. When all of a sudden, FIL, who has been just casually observing this whole scenario, HOLLERS out, HEYYYYYY!!! scaring the crap out of all of us…including Lizard, who takes this opportunity to scramble off the table onto the kitchen floor and skitter around the baseboard toward the living room.  We all give FIL the evil stare, eye roll and moan!!!  He is laughing. (It was pretty funny.)

I’m now on my hands and knees, following Lizard around the kitchen, cups at the ready.  He is pretty elusive.  Fast as Jiffy on the run!  I’m scrambling around and just when I think I’ve got him, I don’t.   He’s off to the living room.  MIL is saying, “Did you get him?  Did you get him?”.  And I’m trying real hard to “get him.”  But it’s just not that easy.  Everyone is right behind me, watching.  Finally, I get Lizard cornered behind the coat rack and after several failed attempts, I get him!!!  Whew!  I stand up, victoriously holding my two cups together!  MIL says, “Are you sure he’s in there??!”  I look over at her and give the cups a good shake, just so she hears our friend getting a concussion in there and Emma says, “Mommy don’t shake him so hard!” 

Emma and I head outside to a tree in the front yard and set our little critter friend free.  He doesn’t seem too worse for wear and is off like a shot…fortunately for MIL in a direction headed away from the house!  Ahhh, the sweet smell of success…and bacon in the kitchen!  Just another day in the country.


Filed under Humor, Random Silliness

5 responses to “Leapin’ Lizards!

  1. Pingback: 30 Days of Thankfulness-Day 18 | red van ramblings

  2. siobhan

    That is too funny!!  Glad you set the little guy free!!

  3. Aimee

    lol…that is too funny…
    *~*   :o) if you don’t have a smile to give today…  :o) I will give you one of mine…  :o)   *~*

  4. Nooner™

    Joell, you had me on the edge of my seat with this story.. lol. I loved all the "get it" lines!

  5. barnyardmama

    My word–all that excitement over a lizard?  If it had been a roach, I could understand–but a lizard?  Even I\’m not scared of them.

I always love hearing from you! :-)

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